Tea and Cakes

So, I’m at the parental home at the moment, and I’m cleaning out yet more crap from my bedroom. This is the reason I’m currently wearing a home made tiara, but that’s a bit of an aside. Primarily it’s involved throwing away cassettes - Smash Hits ‘89, Kylie (By Kylie), Jason Donovan’s Ten Good Reasons (2 copies for some reason) etc etc. There’s also a few rare photos of me from the fat phase of my teenage years. I’m thinking of bringing at least one of the pictures back home with me as an incentive to keep off the pies.

Anyway, in amongst all the stuff I found my old brownie badges. There was a frog, for swimming; a cagelike thing, which I think was fire safety; a zebra crossing, for road safety; a red cross, for first aid (I cheated on the test and made the girl I was putting into the recovery position get there herself, don’t suffer a medical emergency around me, I’m no good) and then a saucepan, a broom, and a cup and saucer - it would appear that home-making was very much the focus of the brownies in the ’80’s. I have no idea what the current brownie badges involve, but I hope things have moved on somewhat.

I’ve kept the cup of tea one, it’s the only one I can quite safely say I am still deserving of.

So, I’m at home at the moment, which means that the Saturday Telegraph is there to be looked at. A catalogue came free with it - one of those innovations type ones - Easylife lifestyle solutions.
Here’s a selection of the products.

Dog bark control collar - to control your dog’s barking in just 3 weeks.
Briquette maker - recycle old newspapers into free heat
Super mini ear - micro sized hearing amplifier
Knee relief - support and relief for the weak-kneed
Nordic slippers - warm feet for everyone!
Bath grab bar - get in and out of the bath with ease
Bunion corrector - correct bunions while you sleep

Now, mixed in with these, so you wouldn’t notice them, not in a seperate section for the over 40’s only, are:
Natura-viga - enhance sexual performance, vigour and vitality
Vigel - Girls, enhance your sexual experience!
Sex for the over 40’s videos - can making love get better with age? - It’s true!
Breast lifts (8 pairs) - Perky bustline you had when you were young
Vacum pump - Stronger/larger erections

I’m disturbed. It’s going to take me a while to get over this.

..and it’s not me for once.

She sits down next to me. With her headphones on.
I’m sat there, ignoring her.

Crazy lady: “Have you ever seen a cheatah?”
Teaandcakes: “no, have you?” (Damn, shouldn’t have asked back, stupid work habits)
CL: “yes”

A few seconds pass. I look out of the window.

CL: “Fastest animal in the world, they say”
T: “Hmm, so I’ve heard. What do you think?” (Dammit! Shut up shut up shut up)
CL: “Oh, I wouldn’t know, I’m not one”

A few more seconds pass. I look down at my bag.
Perhaps I should have got my book out, but it was only
a short journey.

CL: “I wouldn’t like to be a cheatah.”
T: “No, neither would I” (I’m learning at this point, I stopped myself from asking why not)
CL: “I like being a human”
T: “Me too.”

Crazy lady gets off bus.
Teaandcakes wonders about the world.

I’ve a lot more to see..

create your own visited countries map

Shiver me timbers ye lily-livered scallywags, I’ll be making ye walk the plank.
“Pieces of eight”
Shut up polly.
Yarrr!

Oh thank jebus I’ve finished this course, my final assigment is in, I just need to sit back and wait for the results in December.
I’m so tired it hasn’t hit me that I have my life back until I start the next one in february. And assuming I pass, in a year’s time I’ll have an Msc. Go me! I rock!
Sorry, came over all American there for a sec. Excuse me.

From tomorrow I shall be back into the real world and important things like reviewing cups of tea.
(Todays was a cup of red fruit tea in the Dublin writers museum cafe while I was waiting for a meeting to start. It was a lovely mug - kid of like a giant white cup and saucer that was pleasingly shaped and held just the right amount of said hot beverage.)

In the mean time I shall return to reading. I haven’t read a book in over a week, damn essay hanging over my head. I’ve done plenty of sudoku puzzles, but that’s just my current study-avoidance strategy (sadly the obsessive cleaning one of my college days has gone).
Oh, and knitting some more. Maybe baking too. I’ve been receiving shortbread demands from the office.
Right now though, it’s a nice hot bath with a book. I was up until 3am finishing said essay and up again this morning for work at 7.15, so I’m very tired and not full of interesting, witty and clever observances tonight.

Arrrr me hearties, there be buckles in need of swashing. Right now I’ve another 600 words of my essay to write, so I’ll be battening down the hatches and getting back to it.

In the mean time here’s a quiz to help you find your pirate name.

Farewell for now land-lubbers,

Dirty Grace Rackham
Arrr!

1. So when I throw tea over myself when I’m driving in the morning, it doesn’t show up.

I’m not much of a drinker. Actually, that’s not true, I love booze, from a fruity pimms on a summer evening, to a long cool gin and tonic, to a hot whisky in winter, to a nice strong martini after work. What I should say, is that I don’t drink very often, because I get horrific hangovers. Awful ones. I can’t do anything. I tried to get up and do things on Saturday, but it just wasn’t happening. I spent the day sleeping on the sofa, occasionally waking to see if I could eat or drink anything, discovering that I couldn’t and going back to sleep. I made it to the pub in the evening for drinks with friends though. I had a cup of tea.

So, with Saturday gone I was left with one day of my weekend. Today we viisted a friend and had delicious buttery crumbly scones with butter and home made damson jam. They were wonderful. That was followed by a walk in the park, then home for some frantic house cleaning, then tea with other friends.

It’s been nice.

I’m not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow though. Spending one day of the precious, precious weekend sick means that Monday feels like it’s come along all too quickly.

I haven’t had chocolate all week.
I’m eating a Cadbury’s whole nut.

Fuck me it’s good.