Lily was the love of my life. I knew from the first time I met her we’d be together forever. Beautiful, she was. Tall and slim, with short dark hair cut like a boy’s. And the eyes! Big brown eyes, you could melt right into them you could. We met at a party one evening. Spent the whole night talking, then went to a cafe together for breakfast the next day. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
Lilian was the girl next door. I always knew I’d marry her. We grew up together. Started school on the same day – different schools, of course. She was bright, she’d help me with my homework. We both got teased about spending time together. The boys in my class didn’t understand why I’d rather play with her than them after school, but Lilian could play just as well as them – she could climb trees better than any of them, and when they let us join in she’d always win at hide and seek.
Of course, things changed a bit when we got older, but it was natural that we’d be each other’s first kiss, and then that we’d get engaged.
An air hostess, she was. ‘Trolly Dolly’, I liked to call her. She’d pretend to get all indignant and annoyed at me, but there’d be this lovely glint in her eye and she couldn’t keep a straight face for long before her face broke into a giggle. She never got annoyed at me really. I could never get annoyed at her. She was too nice, too perfect.
She’d always wanted to travel a lot. When she got the job as an air hostess she was so happy. Radiant. I was so proud of her. I didn’t want her to work, really, but we needed the money. Saving for a house for one day. Of course, her job meant that we couldn’t get married, or have children for a while, married women not being allowed to be air hostesses and all, so we had to stay living at home, next door to each other. When she was home that was. Sometimes there were early flights, or late ones, so she kept a room in a house with some of the other girls, up close to the airport. I didn’t mind though, when she was home Lilian was always right next door, and she’d make dinner for me, and help mam with the washing and things, so it was enough for me. I got a bit of stick from the lads about it, being 25 and all, I was old enough to be married and settled down, but I knew that one day it’d come right.
I saw Lily whenever she wasn’t flying or off on training. It meant it was only for a couple of days each week, but oh, those days! We’d go for long walks in the park, holding hands the whole time, then she’d cook dinner for me, and we’d go out for a drink, or out dancing together. She loved to dance, did Lily. Always at the centre of the party. I wanted to marry her, but she said that if work found out she’d lose her job, and she loved it so much that I couldn’t ask her again. Of course, when the rules changed and married women were allowed to fly still everything was different.
The day the rules changed I was so happy. I had the ring already, from my grandma. I asked her to come for a walk with me, down to the river where we’d had our first kiss all those years before. Then I got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. She said yes and made me the happiest man in the world. She said that she’d like to wait a little while, until she was really sure that they’d still let her fly, but we could start planning, and I was happy with that.
I proposed again as soon as the rules were changed. I’d had it all planned out. A picnic in the park, with some sparkling wine ready for when she said yes, which she did, making me the happiest man in the world. We got married the next year, when things had settled down a bit with the new rules. She joked that she was old for a bride, at twenty-six, but she looked so happy, and so beautiful, you’d have thought she was barely twenty.
We had a small wedding, at the local church, with a party after in the room above the pub. Lilian didn’t know many people locally any more, being away so much, so it was mainly family. It was a wonderful day. She looked so beautiful, and we were so happy. Everyone was so excited for us too, finally being able to be together. Lilian moved next door to live with me after that, and we started our lives together.
We were so happy together, Lily and I. We had a big group of friends, and whenever she was home we’d be off to dinner with one crowd or another, or out dancing somewhere. Often a group would end up back with us at our flat until the early hours of the morning. It was so much fun.
Lilian and I had a good life. She was a perfect wife. My clothes were always clean, and when she was home there was always dinner on the table for me. She even baked cakes for the church sales. Did me proud, my Lilian.
Our lives fitted into a sort of pattern. When Lily got too old to fly the airline moved her to ground staff. That was against the new rules, of course, but she didn’t want to fight it then. Didn’t want people knowing her real age. She kept her room in the house she shared up by the airport though – it made sense, there were still late nights and early mornings checking people in, and by then we’d got used to the routine of her being away a lot of the time.
When the airline stopped her flying I wanted Lilian to stay home full time. Most of her salary went on the room that she rented anyway. She wouldn’t have it though, independent she was, my Lilian. I wouldn’t have made her stop working. It would have crushed her. I wanted children, but she didn’t, and despite my best efforts I couldn’t change her mind. She was on the pill, and didn’t want to stop taking it. We were happy, anyway, we’d settled into a pattern over the years, and didn’t need to change it. Why fix something that isn’t broken? That’s what I always said.
I was waiting for her to come home when I got the call. A heart attack, they said. It was too late to do anything. Lily was gone. Suddenly. She’d been so full of life, and it was gone, snuffed out.
I’ll never forget that day. My Lilian, gone forever. I didn’t know what to do. I was lost without her.
I met him at the hospital. The doctor called us both into a room. Said there was some confusion over who Lily’s husband was.
I didn’t understand it. I thought the doctor had got it wrong. He must have got things mixed up, but the other man had a picture of her. A picture of my Lilian. With him. It didn’t make sense.
I never really got used to it. I kept thinking about him, about her life with him. About this part of her that I’d never seen.
I didn’t believe it, really. I knew it had happened, all the legal stuff that came when she died showed me that, but I tried to pretend it was all a big mistake. Sometimes there’d be fresh flowers on her grave when I arrived. At first I threw them away, but after a while I was glad that someone was with her when I wasn’t.
I saw him, a few times, at Lily’s grave. Arrived once while he was there, but I left and waited until he’d have finished and gone. He seemed to take it harder than me. He was really angry with Lily at first. I couldn’t be, I just couldn’t get angry at her. I was too upset that she was gone to mind what she’d done, and I’d have given anything to have her back. I’d have shared her with him, even. Just to have her back.
The tenth anniversary of her death we both ended up at the graveyard at the same time. He’d brought a photograph along with him, of Lilian, and asked if I wanted to see it. I missed her so much. I couldn’t help it, crying like that.
Her tenth anniversary, that’s when we met again properly. I was devastated still. I needed someone to take on some of my grief, to show someone what I’d lost. When I gave him the picture he just broke down, and I knew he understood.
We spent a while at her grave then, in silence, but together. When it started to rain he asked if I wanted to go to a cafe, and I said yes.
We met up regularly after that. To talk about Lily. To hear about the part we never saw. To share stories. To compete for her, sometimes. But mostly just to hold on to what we had left.
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Inspired by This picture taken by Joffa H from Flickr.
Written for Flickr Fiction Friday. Other Flickr Fictioners who may have written about the same picture are: Donal,Elimare, Tadamack, Aquafortis, HeavySigh, Chris, Valsha, and Neil.
