Who I am.


One of the reasons for not blogging for a while, is that I’m trying to figure out who I am now. My life is so different. I thought I had an idea about what it would be like to be a parent. I knew it would be really hard work, and really tiring, but I don’t think I really grasped just how hard it would be.

I like to be prepared for things, and to know what’s going to happen, and to be organised. I find spontaneity stressful now, and I wonder if that’s partly because I wasn’t in control of the things I thought I would be after the little man was born.

He arrived slightly early, right at the beginning of my maternity leave, and I wasn’t prepared. I hadn’t quite finished up with work, mentally, and I was expecting to have a couple of weeks to get myself used to not being at work, and to get organised at home.

The birth was fine, and is something I’m not going to get into here, but the stay in hospital afterward really knocked me for six. As he was quite small, and didn’t gain weight quickly enough, we weren’t allowed to leave for four nights, so I was in for five in total. I’d never spent a night in hospital before and it was miserable. (He’s all caught up now and is perfectly average, size wise).

Although the vast majority of the hospital staff were lovely and caring, a couple were not, and the hospital policies around food and visitors were not conducive to a restful stay. This isn’t the forum for that rant, but 4pm is not an appropriate time for the evening meal, and having new mothers left alone without their partners from 9pm to 9am is not helpful.

I am extremely lucky to have a great support network in place, and I abandoned the hospital food altogether in favour of Marks and Spencers food brought in to me. Meanwhile our mums went into action at home, getting the house cleaned, the cot set up in the main bedroom, and the freezer stocked with delicious meals that just needed to be put in the oven. We’d had no reason to suspect that the little man would be quite so little, so hadn’t bought a lot of newborn sized clothes, as everyone said that you don’t need many. Our mums went shopping. In the end, he was wearing the newborn sized clothes they bought for the first couple of months.

The help from our friends and families was invaluable. I couldn’t have managed without their help in so many ways.

My memory of the first eight weeks is of living in a little bubble. It’s dark around the edges. It was August and September but I can’t tell you if we had a summer or not.


Now it’s seven months later, everything’s on track, and after six months where I didn’t sleep for longer than three hours at a time, I’m much more rested. The little man is a happy baby, and is developing a lovely personality, and I’m finding my feet and trying to find my personality again.

9 thoughts on “Who I am.

  1. sounds like parenthood! flying by the seat of our pants and hoping it all comes out ok. which it usually does. take care and have fun!

  2. Yep that schedule is familiar! Except for the table thing – have never seen that. The wards I’ve seen have all been too small to accomodate a table I think.

    OMIGOD turn on the threaded comment thingy!!

    Also I got your text, that time is grand, remind me to let Aileen know cos she lives right across the road.

    ALSO C is away this weekend, let’s do something, you around?

  3. The meals in The Coombe are:
    7.30ish: Breakfast of a bowl of cereal, a piece of toast with jam, and a cup of tea.
    12.20ish: Main meal. Very stodgy. Example of a veggie option – Very spicy spring rolls served with mashed potato.
    4pm: Evening meal: Veggie option for the four nights was always a cheese salad, which was 2 slices of cheddar, a scoop of coleslaw, a bit of lettuce, 2 slices of cucumber and a wedge of tomato, with 2 slices of white bread. Cup of tea.
    9pm: Cup of tea.

    That’s it. And you’re supposed to recover from giving birth, and ideally breastfeed on that.

    Also, in the 6 bed ward, meals were placed on a big table at the end of the room, that had 5 chairs around it. If you couldn’t get out of bed (C-section, crying or feeding baby) you were reliant on one of the other mothers bringing you your food. If you weren’t finished when they came to collect the crockery (because of dealing with your baby for example), it was tough luck.

    I presume it’s down to staff shortages, but it sucked. Thankfully I was just able to munch away pretty much constantly on really delicious snacks.

  4. The hospital my mother always goes to (for long spells :/) makes the main dinner meal for them at 12 noon!! I swear to god. We’re talking spuds, meat and veg. At 12 noon. Then a bun at 3 o’clock and a sandwich (‘supper’) at 6 or so. Then another bun at 8ish. Hospitals in this county are totally beyond my understanding.

  5. You know, I would have gone absolutely insane if the hospital had prevented me from visiting T. Just plain mental, probably being arrested. SUCH a not happy story.

    Glad that things are well with you, and glad to see you back blogging.

  6. Welcome back! Congratulations on the birth of your little guy… sounds like you made it through a rough patch. No partners from 9 pm – 9 am?!? That’s crazy!! Not the case in our local hospital.

  7. Your experience sounds completely normal…welcome to motherhood! It’s been 24 years since my youngest was born and I’m just now finding who I am again! One thing’s for sure…You’re always going to be MOM!!!

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